


Katsudon and Cosmopolitan Magazines

by Cerulean_city_girl



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU where Yurio stays in Japan to train, Awkward Blow Jobs, Awkward First Times, Awkward Hand Jobs, Awkward Romance, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, Dry Humping, Eventual Smut, Funny, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Making Out, Nipple Play, Public Nudity, Sexual Humor, Slice of Life, Yurio has a subtle dark past, Yuuri and Yurio and sort of friendly rivals, embarrassed yuuri, victor gets hurt by accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:39:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8551945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_city_girl/pseuds/Cerulean_city_girl
Summary: Yuuri and Viktor kissed a month ago and there hadn't been any action since. Yuuri, desperate to move forward in their relationship (and get to at least 3rd base with Viktor) asks for love advice. He asks Phichit, Yuiro, and Minako for advice. This eventually leads to Yuuri getting a Cosmopolitian Magazine, reading their sex advice, and putting the moves on Viktor. Unfortunately, Yuuri's first time becomes incredibly awkward when his Cosmo sex moves don't go according to plan. AU where Yurio stays in Japan to train with Yuuri.





	1. Tasty Katsudon texts PhiBitch

Yuuri collapsed into his bed as soon as he reached his room. It had been a long day on the ice and he had been distracted the entire time. Despite practicing his routines over and over, he fell onto the ice each time. Even Viktor had told him to call it day. It was clear his mind and heart were not in it.

  
Removing his glasses, Yuuri rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. _Are we moving too slow?_ He thought. _Is he losing interest? Is it because I’m not as experienced as him? We’ve only kissed, and that was a month ago. I want him so badly._ He sat up on his bed and grabbed his phone. _Might as well text. Phichit is bound to have some advice_ , he reassured himself.

  
Tasty Katsudon: Hey? Are you busy?

  
PhiBitch: Not really. It’s the middle of the night on a wednesday. It’s not like I’d be out partying.  
What’s up?

  
Tasty Katsudon: Well....I have this friend.

  
PhiBitch: You might as well say it’s Viktor. ;)

  
Tasty Katsudon: How do you know? It could be someone else.

  
PhiBitch: You’ve been talking about Viktor for the past 3 months. If it’s not Viktor, it’s Yurio. And that kid....kinda hates your guts

  
Tasty Katsudon: He’s not that bad.

  
PhiBitch: -_____-’

  
Tasty Katsudon: Do you wanna hear my question or.....?

  
PhiBitch: Shoot. Go for it.

 

  
Yuuri stared at his curser blinking on phone’s screen for a minute. He didn’t want to make it too obvious that he hadn’t done much of anything with Viktor yet. But he wasn’t really sure how to ask without being direct. He sighed, deciding that the best approach would be to spit it out. After all, Phichit had been his friend for many years. He could trust him.

  
Tasty Katsudon: Well a month ago Viktor and I kissed

  
PhiBitch: HA!!!! I knew it.

  
Tasty Katsudon: Phichit, focus. You’re really putting the Bitch in PhiBitch right now.

  
PhiBitch: says the catty katsudon.  
I mean katty.

  
Tasty Katsudon: Phichit, please.

  
PhiBitch: Fine. What’s going on? Trouble in paradise? :(

  
Tasty Katsudon: Sort of. Viktor and I kissed about a month ago. We sort of made out. Briefly.

  
PhiBitch: ooooooooooohhhh!!!!! <3 ;) :3 Go Yuuri!!!!

  
Tasty Katsudon: But we haven’t done anything else. He used to flirt a lot more. But lately he’s been less flirty. Do you think he’s losing interest? Is it because I’m not....you know...putting out? I’m still interested in him....but I just wasn’t ready to immediately ready to jump into bed with him.

  
PhiBitch: We’ve been over this before. You’re just being paranoid.

  
Yuuri: Am I? I’m just making observations.

  
PhiBitch: Yes. You are. I’m sure he’s still interested. He’s probably just focusing a little more since it’s getting closer to the Grand Prix.

  
Yuuri: I guess you’re right. But how do I get closer to him again? I long for the taste of his vanilla lip balm on my tongue.

  
PhiBitch: Well, they sell it online for $40....

  
Yuuri: Be serious for a minute. >.<

  
PhiBitch: Look Yuuri, I’m really really happy for you two. And I’m 100% sure you guys can and will make a great couple. But I’m not the best person to ask about love advice. I’m still single. I’d kill to have a world class ice skater be crazy about me like Viktor is crazy about you. You shouldn’t worry. Just try to flirt a little more.

  
Unfortunately, that’s the only advice I have. #lonelyheartsclub :’(

  
Yuuri: Thanks....I guess.... Don’t get me wrong, it helps a little. I just need to regroup. I’ll try to flirt. Not sure how. It’s not one of my strong points.

  
PhiBitch: Trust me. Anything you do will drive that Russian man wild.

  
Yuuri: Thanks. o////o  
  
Yuuri plugged his phone in and slipped into his pajamas. _He’s probably right, I shouldn’t worry,_ he thought as he tried believing it. Despite repeating it in his head, he had a hard time sleeping.

  
_Who am I kidding. Don’t leave me Viktor,_ Yuuri thought as he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Ummm....Yurio?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri works up the courage to ask Yuurio for advice. This results in learning a little bit about Yurio's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried using different languages. I'm sorry if they're wrong. I tried. 
> 
> Gomen-ne: informal way of saying sorry in Japanese
> 
> Politsiya: police in Russian

  Yuuri awoke to the sound Makkachin happily barking at guests bustling about the inn. “Someone shut that damn dog up!!!!!” He heard Yurio yell from the next room while hitting his fist against the wall. It was going to be another long day. But this time, Yuuri had an idea as to how he could get Viktor’s attention. Today would be the day he’d get one step closer to him. He quickly cleaned up and dressed for the day. “Yuuri, you’re up and moving earlier than usual,” greeted Viktor as he peeked his head into Yuuri’s room. “Looks like I’ll be at the rink a little later today. I’d like to rest up and little bit and then take Makkachin for a walk.” “Sure,” replied Yuuri, squinting at Viktor. I hadn’t put on his glasses yet, but from what he could see, Viktor was disheveled and holding his head. His hair was a fluffy mess and he was still wearing the same clothes from last night. There was no doubt he had drank too much sake at the bar down the street. As Viktor stumbled back down the hallway, Yuuri put on his glasses, grabbed his gym bag and left for the rink.

  
Disdainfully unwrapping a granola bar, Yuuri bit into its healthy goodness as he mentally told himself it would help him maintain his weight. During his 15 minute walk he couldn’t help but have his mind drift back towards his feelings for Viktor. _Is there really such as thing as the friendzone?_ He pondered. _I’m sure Viktor knows I am interested in him....right? Just because I’m not pawing at him every two seconds doesn’t mean I’m not interested. He must know that by now, right? Right?_ Looking up, he realized he nearly walked straight past Ice Castle. Stopping in his tracks, Yuuri sighed, deciding it was best to focus on practicing while he had the rink to himself.

  
Once he was on the ice, he felt a sense a calm. He was at least able to push his troublesome thoughts away for a little while. Practicing the program Viktor had shown him weeks before, Yuuri glided fluidly over the ice. At this point, Yuuri’s routine almost seemed second nature to him. He poured his emotions into each step. Unfortunately, each time he attempted a triple salchow, his anxiety got the best of him and he fell. On the fourth try, he nearly scraped his knees and decided to take a break from it. As he skated mindlessly around the rink, he once again drowned in his own thoughts. _Viktor,_ he thought. _Viktor Viktor Viktor. If only I was a elegant and confident as you._ Yuuri felt his face blush as his mind flashed back to when Viktor stood naked before him in the onsen. _Pull yourself together!_ He admonished himself.

  
At that moment, Yuuri ran into someone that made him lose his balance. He looked over to see a rage filled blonde laying on the ice. “Watch where you’re going loser!” He yelled in a thick Russian accent. There was no mistaking who he crashed into: Yurio. He had been so lost in thought, he didn’t even notice that Yurio arrived at Ice Castle, let alone the fact that he had entered the rink. “Gomen-ne! Sorry!” Apologized Yuuri. “You better be sorry! You could have injured us before the competition!” Yurio growled as he got up and skated away.

  
_You should ask him. He’s a guy. He might have advice,_ thought Yuuri. Y _eah but he’s also like 15 years old. He’s just a slightly scary....very loud teenager...._ countered Yuuri. _You’re underestimating him. Some kids are wise beyond their years. Yeah....but he’s not one of them. How do you know?_ Yuuri mentally argued with himself. Despite the rink being ice cold, Yuuri was sweating bullets. It had become so obvious that Yuuri was up to something, that even Yurio had stopped to watch Yuuri. Yuuri had begun to skate the vertical lengths of the rink, rather than skate along the edges of the rink to warm up.

  
“What are you doing weirdo?” Asked Yurio, glaring at Yuuri across the rink. Yuuri wasn’t sure why or how Yurio managed to look and act completely pissed off every waking moment of his life, but he had assumed it was due to puberty. However, since he was used to it, he learned to accept Yurio’s subtle insults almost as terms of endearment. Almost.

  
Yuuri stopped in his tracks and slowly glided over. Well, it’s not like I have anything to lose. _It’s probably better to have several opinions instead of just one,_ he thought. Yuuri felt his breath catch in the back of his throat as he tried to find his words. This resulted in him having a coughing fit. _Smooth move,_ he thought to himself sarcastically. Yurio raised an eyebrow as Yuuri struggled to regain his composure.  
  
“So...I have this friend,” started Yuuri. “Right,” Yurio cut in. “Friend.” He said sarcastically when making quotation marks with his fingers. “Everyone knows whenever someone says friend they mean themselves. But in your case, it’s either you or Viktor.” he smirked. Yuuri sighed. He was right. Yuuri crossed his arms feeling his blood slowly begin to rush to his face. “Fine…” Started Yuuri. “I was sort of wondering if…..” Beads of sweats rolled down Yuuri’s face as he trailed off. The fact that Yurio was completely amused by his discomfort, did not help his case. Yuuri regrouped and tried another approach. “So I know you’re younger than me, and…..” Yuuri trailed off again. This time Yurio had a slightly disgusted look on his face. “I do not like where this is going,” he said slowing skating backwards away from Yuuri. “I feel like I need to call politsiya.”

   
Yuuri had no idea Yurio meant, but he had a feeling it couldn’t have been anything good.“Wait! It’s not like that!” Panicked Yuuri, skating forward. “Not at all! I’m just trying to get love advice!” He blurted out. Yurio felt a little more at ease despite the fact that Yuuri's answer was shouted at him “I just wasn’t sure if it was even worth asking you since you’re so….well….young,” added Yuuri. “What? So you’re saying that you think I haven’t been in any relationships? You're saying you think I've never had any lovers?!” Countered Yurio defensively. “Well….have you?” Asked Yuuri curiously. There was an awkward silence between the two of them. Now it was Yurio’s turn to struggle to find an answer. “It’s none of your business!” Snapped Yurio as his face turned red. “That’s a no,” Yuuri teased as he skated away. Yurio, clearly annoyed by this whole conversation, skated to catch up with Yuuri. “You know, I was like you once. Completely innocent,” spoke Yuuri. “Once?!” Exclaimed Yurio. “You still are! You blush like a bride on her wedding night each time Viktor comes near you,” he laughed. Yuuri wanted to lie and say he did nothing of the sort. However, his emotions betrayed him as he felt his face he up again. “Just like that,” pointed Yurio. “You blush just like that.” As the conversation died down, Yuuri couldn’t help but think about how Yurio reacted when he first tried to ask for advice.

  
“I don’t mean to pry,” began Yuuri. “Then don’t,” responded Yurio curtly. Yuuri pressed forward despite Yurio’s rude response. “But did you really think I was coming on to you?” Asked Yuuri. “I thought you knew me better than that.” Yurio averted his eyes from Yuuri’s gaze. “It wouldn’t be the first time an older skater has come on to me,” Yurio said uncomfortably. He quickly changed the subject. “So...exactly what kind of advice are you looking for. And keep it PG. The last thing I want is a mental image.”

  
Yuuri took a deep breath. He couldn’t help but wonder who it was and what did they do to him.This wasn’t a side of Yurio he was used to seeing. For a split second he looked so small. So vulnerable. He could tell Yurio was far from wanting to talk about it (especially with him). He tried pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind and promised himself he would be there for Yurio when he needed him. Apparently Yuuri had been lost in thought for a minute because when he came to his senses, he saw Yurio waving a hand in his face.  
  
“Earth to Katsudon. Anyone home?” Yurio asked with an annoyed tone in his face. “Yeah, sorry,” apologized Yuuri. “I’m wanting to take things to the next level with Viktor.” “What base are you two on?” inquired Yurio, trying to hide his discomfort. “First base,” huffed Yuuri. Yurio pat Yuuri on the shoulder. “I feel your pain,” he related. “So you don’t have any advice for me,” said Yuuri unamused. “No,” confessed Yurio. “But my rink-mate Mila is a slut. I’m sure I can get a little info out of her since she’s been with so many guys. Might help,” replied Yurio. “That would be a huge help,” thanked Yuuri. “Just promise you won’t two won’t gross me out with any loud noises,” Yurio said as he skated off.

 

“I hope you guys are warmed up!” Thundered Viktor as he entered Ice Castle. For next few hours Yuuri and Yurio pretended they didn’t have a long discussion about love. They focused on practicing and their desire to win.


	3. Dreams as Wet as the Rink Christophe Skates on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri has a wet dream about Viktor. Yurio gets in touch with Mila and tells Yuuri the advice he received.

It was a sunny Thursday morning and Yuuri intended to make the most of it by sleeping in. Yesterday was exhausting, but today he was allowed a little break. He would meet with Yurio at noon for a run and then meet up with Minako that evening at her dance studio. Yuuri groaned as he tossed and turned in his bed. For the most of the night, Yuuri’s dreams had been sweet. It felt as though Viktor had spent the night laying beside side him.

  
“Yuuri,” Yuuri heard Viktor’s voice call out to him. His voice was soft and melodic. He could feel his strong warm arms gently wrap around his body. Yuuri could smell the bergamot and citrus lotion Viktor wore. To him, it was so masculine yet so calming. “Yuuri,” Viktor called out again in a sing-song voice. “How’s my tasty katsudon been?” He asked nuzzling his face against Yuuri’s neck while spooning him. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” replied Yuuri shyly. “All of this is so new to me. Make no mistake, I want you.” “Then why do you push me away?” Asked Viktor coyly as he pulled Yuuri closer. “I thought my little piggy wanted to have some fun.” Viktor reached inside Yuuri boxers and caressed Yuuri’s length. “I want to teach you everything there is to know about eros,” he whispered in Yuuri’s ear. “Who knows. Maybe one day you’ll be the one to seduce me,” He continued, kissing Yuuri’s neck as he toyed with the head of Yuuri’s cock. “Viktor,” Yuuri moaned. “Teach me about eros. Fuck me,” he pleaded desperately as he thrust into Viktor’s hand. “Viktor!” He moaned louder.

  
Yuuri awoke to a someone slamming his fist against his wall. “Shut up you goddamn pervert!” He heard Yurio shout from the other room. Yuuri felt his blood rush to his face as he came back to reality. It had all been a vivid dream. He reached for his phone to check the time. It was 10:58am. Thankfully Viktor hadn’t heard him moaning his name. He his own plans for the day and would not be around till evening. However, he still felt a sense of dread knowing that he’d have to face his rink-mate after this morning’s events. Yuuri rubbed his face, climbed out of bed, and tried ignoring his morning wood. Today was going to be a long day.

  
Yuuri dressed, washed up for the day, and met with Yurio at the entrance of his parents inn. “Good morning,” Yuuri greeted Yurio half-heartedly with a shy smile. Yurio, having had a rude awakening, was not amused. He greeted Yuuri with a look of disgust. “Sorry,” muttered Yuuri as the two began their jog around town. The two jogged in awkward silence for 15 minutes, neither knowing how to break the silence. Yurio silently prayed to God that Yuuri wouldn’t try to explain what he had heard that morning. Finally, Yuuri had the courage to put an end to the silence.

  
“So...about this morning,” started Yuuri, trying to explain that Viktor had not been in his room. “Nope!” Spat Yurio as he jogged ahead. Clearly he did not want to acknowledge it. _Okay, new plan,_ thought Yuuri. “Ummm….so did you hear back from Mila?” Asked Yuuri hesitantly. “Yeah,” replied Yurio. “She wasn’t much help though. She said she got a lot of her advice from Cosmopolitan magazines. Something about how their advice can be silly at times but it works for her since she’s gotten guys and girls.” Yurio rolled his eyes. “She also said how anything works for her since she’s confident and hot.” “Oh…...how hot is she?” Queried Yuuri. “She not that hot,” insisted Yurio. “She always like: I slept with this guy and that girl, and that hockey player,” he mimicked Mila. “As far as I’m concerned, the only reason she’s been with that many people is because she’s a huge slut just like Christophe,” Yurio spat. Yuuri was quiet for a moment. It was a lot of info to take in. He was almost in utter shock that Yurio had actually followed through and helped him out.

  
“Well….thanks,” said Yuuri quietly. Curiosity got the better of him “What made you actually help me?” He asked. “It wouldn’t be a fair match if you’re too busy making googly eyes over Viktor during your training,” Yurio responded sarcastically. “Besides, I can’t wait to wipe the floor with your sorry ass. I’ll be the one winning the Grand Prix and prove once and for all that I’m the next best thing,” he boasted with a smirk. Yuuri couldn’t help but smile. Despite all of Yurio’s trash talk, he knew Yurio did it out of the kindness of his fiery heart. After Yuuri’s jog with Yurio, Yuuri jogged straight to a convenient store and bought a bubblegum pink Cosmopolitan magazine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just 2 more chapters to go!!!


	4. Cosmo Mags: Yuuri's Substitute Love Guru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri buckles down and researches love advice using Cosmopolitan Magazine. Minako notices that Yuuri has the magazine and offers her own advice. Yuuri, feeling more self-assured, takes all of the advice he's given and uses it.

“One and two and one and two and - Yuuri! Focus!” Minako snapped as she stopped mid routine when she noticed Yuuri spazzing out. “Okay, let’s take five,” she huffed defeatedly when she noticed they weren’t getting anywhere. Minako and Yuuri had been practicing in her dance studio for two hours, yet Yuuri had been lost in thought for an hour and a half. Frustrated, he walked over to his bag to grab a water bottle. As luck would have it, the pretty pink magazine tumbled out of his bag as soon as the bottle was within his grasp. “Oh ho ho, what do we have here?” Asked Minako teasingly as she snatched up the magazine before Yuuri could hide it. “It’s not what it looks like!” Denied Yuuri while blushing furiously. “And what exactly does it look like?” She asked, pawing through the magazine. Yuuri, at a loss of words, didn’t know what to say. “Hey, it’s not my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat,” she said handing the magazine back to him. He could tell she was trying to suppress her giggles.

  
“So you don’t read Cosmopolitan?” he queried. “No,” Minako replied. “But if this is about Viktor, I suggest you just be yourself,” she assured him. “I’ve tried that,” countered Yuuri. “It hasn’t gotten me very far.” “If you want my advice, whatever you choose to do, be confident in yourself,” she insisted. “I’m sure whatever you do he’ll respond positively to it.” “Phichit said the same thing, but I feel like whatever I do, Viktor takes it as though I’m not wanting to do anything. I appreciate him not pressuring me into anything but….” Yuuri trailed off. “But what?” Asked Minako. “I have needs!” Yuuri blurted out, blushing harder than before. Minako sat on the floor and motioned for Yuuri to join her. “I think you’re overthinking this,” she advised him. “You need to calm down and think about what exactly you want from him. It’s clear he already likes you.” She placed a hand on his shoulder comforting him. “Either you take the plunge and go after what you want, or you can be straight forward and try telling him your feelings. Just remember, chances are he’s not going to reject you either way," Minako advised. "Besides, suffering in silence gets you nowhere," she warned him.  “Thanks Minako,” Yuuri said pulling Minako into a hug. Sometimes it just felt good to talk to an understanding old friend. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind the next time I’m with Viktor.” “Good, said Minako energetically as she stood up “Because break-time is over and we need to keep training.” She reached down to help Yuuri up. “This time, no more breaks. You want to make sure you’re in prime shape for the Grand Prix don’t you?” She asked encouragingly. This time, Yuuri spent the next hour focusing mostly on his training. _Just you wait Viktor_ , thought Yuuri. _Tomorrow I’ll make it clear how I feel about you._

  
That night after dance practice, Yuuri locked himself in his room to flip through the magazine. Viktor had said he was going our for drinks that night and he wasn’t sure when exactly he’d be back. Luckily for Yuuri, that meant he would have plenty of time to research techniques before making a move on Viktor Friday night. Yuuri flipped to the page titled: 11 Sex Tips that Will Rev Your Man's Engine.

  
**Tip 1:** Grab his member firmly and hit it against the palm of your open hand. Don’t be afraid to be rough. Don’t ignore his balls either. Be sure to rub them too. Add a pinch if you’re feeling adventurous. I guarantee this will accelerate things.

  
_That’s interesting….._ Yuuri thought. _At least it seems easy._

  
**Tip 2:** Hold the base of your man’s penis and gently push the tip of it towards his body. What man doesn’t enjoy body work? This is will leave your man drooling.

  
_Okay, but how does that make him hard though? I’m a little skeptical on that one,_ Yuuri debated.

  
**Tip 3:** Want to look extra sexy for your man? Use rhinestones to decorate your nipples. This is the only time a man will want to see something bedazzled. Let him feast his eyes on your chest before he rear-ends your bumper.

  
_That one doesn’t seem too bad,_ Yuuri reasoned. _Besides, I’m sure Viktor would like me to be dressed up a little, right?_

  
**Tip 4:** Feed your man chocolate popsicles in the dark. This brings a whole new definition to paint job. If it drips, you can lick it up. Don’t be afraid to shove it in his mouth. Show him what you want later. ;)

  
_This one also takes a little bit of work, but it’s feasible at least,_ thought Yuuri. _Besides, Viktor does like sweets._

  
**Tip 5:** If your man is adventurous, put your tongue slightly on the inside of his urethral opening. What man doesn’t like a surprise for his joystick.

  
_No way! Not gonna happen! That’s just weird. It sounds painful,_ thought Yuri as he pondered how anyone would enjoy it. That has to be a fetish. Yuuri crossed out tip 5.

  
**Tip 6:** Wear cinnamon perfume. Trust us, it drives men WILD. It also increases blood flow to his penis. That way, he’ll be begging to put it in your tailpipe.

  
_Viktor might actually like that,_ agreed Yuuri.

  
**Tip 7:** If your roommate is a pain in the tailpipe, be sure to rent a scary movie. Why? Because the sound of the screaming will mask the sound of your passionate moaning. They’ll never suspect a thing.

  
_I know Yurio definitely doesn’t want to hear a peep. I’ll definitely do this one,_ planned Yuuri.

  
**Tip 8:** Some men like to crank the air condition. Others like to blast heater. Why not have him sample the best of both worlds? While using your mouth to pleasure his member, instead of just sucking, occasionally blow on it. This will give him an amazing, unique sensation.

  
_I’ve never heard of this one either. I wonder if Viktor’s ever had this done to him,_ he wondered. _I mean, he is more experienced than me. He’s probably already done at least half of these things._

  
**Tip 9:** Are your engines revved up but you forgot to bring your toys? This one is a simple fix. Use your electric toothbrush or smartphone as a vibrator. Just turn on your toothbrush or have your S/O call you while your phone’s on vibrate. Feel free to put it anywhere it feels good.

  
_What?! No no no. I’m not ruining a phone or a toothbrush. That’s just gross!_ Yuuri crossed out Tip 9.

  
**Tip 10:** Twist his penis like you're turning a key in an ignition. This is sure to make him hard and roaring to go.

  
_It’s odd, but it might be worth trying,_ thought Yuuri.

  
Tip 11: We saved the best for last. This one is sure to have your man begging to have his way with it. It’s a new technique called “Auntie Angel’s Blow Job.” Cut off the ends of the grapefruit. Hollow out the middle of it leaving a little bit of the pink fleshy pulp so that comfortably fit your man’s member. Then move the grapefruit up and down while you perform oil sex. The grapefuit acts as a flavorful, thick ring for your member.

  
I’m definitely doing the last one, planned Yuuri. Viktor will be so impressed by this!

  
Yuuri circled a few of the tips and made short grocery list of things he’d pick up after practice the the next day:  
1\. Grapefruit  
2\. Cinnamon perfume  
3\. Scary movies  
4\. Popsicles  
5\. Self-adhesive Rhinestones

  
_Everything is planned out. All I have to do is be confident and follow through,_ he reassured himself. That night Yuuri slept soundly. He dreamt of all the things he wanted to do and say to Viktor. Tomorrow night would be a night to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, Auntie Angel's grapefruit blowjob is a real video. Google it. It's hilarious. It's still not very safe for work so watch at your own risk! There's no penises or anything. Just awkward loud slurping......
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdHZ5hp45Fc
> 
> Can you tell that I took bits and pieces of my life and wrote about them? Because I did. That's how my story came to be: my awkward adolescent years and the painkillers (meant for calming my headache) reminding me of every embarrassing this I did as a teen. 
> 
> After chapter 5, I'll probably go back to repressing my memories. :P


	5. Scheduled Loss of Virginity with Viktor at 9pm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri schedules to have a movie night with Viktor in his room. He then plans to seduce Viktor with all the new moves he learned from his Cosmo Magazine. Yuuri has his eyes on Viktor's "prize." Feeling the power of his eros, Yuuri makes his move in order to go from being a cute little piggy to a steamy Katsudon that Viktor cannot resist.

It was a rainy Friday afternoon. Yuuri and Yurio focused intently on their programs, making sure they gave it their all. They were doing so well, it felt almost as though time flew by. Before they realized it, it was 4pm and people were starting to pour in for their Friday night dates at Ice Castle Hasetsu. “Okay you two, you’ve worked pretty hard today. Let’s call it a day and pick back up tomorrow,” Viktor said happily. Yurio collected his bags and bolted for the exit. He had heard about Japan’s cat cafes and he was not going to miss out on a chance to cuddle up to a few kittens before it got too late.

  
“Viktor," called Yuuri, catching Viktor’s attention. “Yuuri, have any plans for tonight?” Viktor asked. “Actually, I was wondering if you’d like a scary movie night?” Asked Yuuri timidly. “That sounds wonderful! I didn’t take you for the type who’d like scary movies though,” said Viktor. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” flirted Yuuri. “Which is why I'd love to learn so much more,” Viktor flirted back, closing the gap between them. Blushing, Yuuri changed the subject. “I have to run to the store to pick up a few things. Wanna meet in my room in my room at 8? For the movie night I mean,” said Yuuri as he collected his things. “Sounds wonderful, I’ll see you then,” Viktor promised as he smiled at Yuuri.

  
When they parted ways, Yuuri made a beeline for the grocery store and broke out his list. Okay, grapefruit, check. Cinnamon body spray, check. Yuuri placed the two items into the basket. He slowly walked down aisle 3 and eyed the popsicles. _Hmmm, maybe the chocolate ones with vanilla in the middle. That could be fun,_ Yuuri thought as he tossed them into the basket as well. He then stocked up on popcorn, pocky, chips, rhinestones, and 2 scary movies. Once he was finished, he ran straight home. Yuuri spent the next 2 hours bathing, bedazzling his nipples, preparing the grapefruit, popping popcorn, and spritzing himself with cinnamon body spray. When it was close to 8 o'clock, he placed the grapefruit in a plastic bag in the nightstand, and took the popsicles out of the freezer to bring to his room.

  
“Yuuri,” Viktor called to Yuuri, knocking on the door. Yuuri dimmed the lights and welcomed him in. “Wow!” exclaimed Viktor smelling the sweet aroma of cinnamon and popcorn. “Looks like someone has something special planned,” He smiled winking at Yuuri. He walked into the room and sat on Yuuri's bed. “You could say that,” flirted Yuuri blushing. Yuuri popped in the first horror movie and cuddled up to Viktor. Snacking on treats and jumping at every jump scare, Yuuri was actually having a fun time. Unfortunately, he still was nervous about making a move. By the second movie, Yuuri turned the volume louder. _It’s now or never,_ Yuuri told himself. Yuuri quietly reached over to grab a popsicle and shoved it Viktor’s mouth. “Yuuri!” Viktor sputtered gasping for air. He pushed Yuuri away causing Yuuri to tumble backwards on the bed. Embarrassed for shoving Yuuri off him, Viktor was coughing and blushing furiously. “Yuuri, I’m so sorry,” he wheezed. The chocolate vanilla ice cream had dripped down his chin and neck. “I love you, but….why?” Viktor coughed. Yuuri sat up and quickly cleaned the half melted popsicle off his floor. “Gomenasai!” Yuuri apologized, trying not to panic. “I thought it would be interesting,” he explained. “It was,” said Viktor catching his breath. “I almost died,” he added half jokingly. Yuuri was desperate to fix the situation. Tonight would not be a train wreck. He would do anything to make this work. “Did you say you….love me?” said Yuuri suddenly coming to a realization. Viktor recovering from his coughing fit, comforted Yuuri. “Of course I do,” he assured Yuuri. “Why else would I want to be with you.”  
  
Yuuri, feeling a sudden surge of confidence, pulled Viktor close caressing his cheek. “Viktor?” He asked in a whisper. “Yes Yuuri,” Viktor replied in a low husky voice. “I think I know what my eros is,” Yuuri whispered back. “It you.” Yuuri pushed Viktor down and slowly kissed his lips and neck. He made sure to lick the ice cream off Viktor’s neck before once again kissing his lips. “I want you,” moaned Yuuri as he straddled Viktor. Pulling off his shirt, Yuuri revealed his bedazzled nipples.

  
Unfortunately for Yurio, that night he found himself next door to Yuuri and Viktor. Since it was rainy, business had been slow and the cat cafes had closed early for the night. He lay in bed attempting to relax by listening to music. Unfortunately, all he could hear was screaming from an old horror movie Yuuri and Viktor were enjoying. He thought about yelling, but quickly realized he’d much rather hear screams of terror instead of Yuuri’s passionate screams of ecstasy. Defeated, Yurio paused his music and called Yuuko. “Hello? Yurio?” Answered Yuuko. “Hey Yuuko,” Yurio answered awkwardly. “Is everything alright? You usually only text.” Asked a concern Yuuko. “It’s alright...it’s just a little crowded over here...and loud,” explained Yurio in an exasperated tone. “Do I want to know?” Asked she skeptically. “No. Trust me,” Yurio sighed. “Any chance I could crash at your place for the night?” He asked. “Sure,” Yuuko replied. “Just give me a half hour to come pick you up.” “No problem. I really appreciate it,” Yurio thanked her. “I’ll see you in bit. After hanging up, Yurio packed his bags and prepared to escape the hell hole that his room had become.

  
Next door, Viktor stared at Yuurio’s bedazzled nipples. “That’s….interesting......” He froze staring up at Yuuri. “I wanted to do something special for you,” rasped Yuuri as he grind against Viktor. Viktor had never had a lover bedazzle any sort of body part for him. And if someone had told him that Yuuri would be the first to do so, he wouldn’t have believed them. He reached up to tease Yuuri’s nipples trying to ignore the fact that the rhinestones would fall off and stick to his fingers. He found himself half hard despite having to constantly fiddle with the rhinestones. It helped seeing Yuuri half naked and begging to be fucked.

  
Yuuri climbed off of Viktor and tugged at his belt. “Take off your pants,” he demanded as he pulled Viktor’s pants and thong off. He then took off his own pants, keeping his underwear on for the time being. He tossed the clothes to the floor as he remembered the techniques he read about. Just have to do tips 8, 10 ,and 11, Yuuri thought. Seeing Viktor’s cock made him blush. Even while half hard, it's size was impressive. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him. “What are you going to do to me Katsudon?” Viktor enticed Yuuri by laying back and played with his own cock. Yuuri, feeling more confident than before, tried twisting Viktor’s member. “Ouch! What are you doing?!” Asked Viktor slightly panicked by how it his penis had been treated like a door handle. “Nothing. Just experimenting,” Yuuri quickly replied. _Tip 10 was a dud,_ Yuuri thought. _Hopefully the next will make up for it._ Yuuri grabbed the base of Viktor’s dick and began to slowly lick and suck along his shaft. “Mhmmm, just like that Yuuri,” Viktor moaned. “Show me your eros.” He slowly thrust into Yuuri’s mouth, surprised by how skillful Yuuri used his tongue. When Viktor was throbbing and begging for release, Yuuri knew it was time. _Who needs tip 8, I’ll give him the grand finale,_ he smirked to himself.

  
“Grabbing some lube?” Viktor asked between breaths when he noticed Yuuri shuffling through the nightstand. “It’s something better,” assured Yuuri as he had Viktor lay back and close his eyes. Removing the grapefruit from the plastic bag, Yuuri placed the makeshift cock ring around Viktor’s dick. He then began to move the fruit up and down his shaft as he began to suck. By the second thrust, Viktor screamed agony. “Yuuri!!! Holy Fuck!!!” He yelled and he jumped up in pain. Yurio, enraged by how he still heard his noisy neighbors, slammed on the wall yelling “Shut the fuck up!!!” Viktor’s cock, still burning from the acidic juices, felt like it was on fire. “Oh dear God!!!” Viktor shouted doubled over in pain. Yurio, hearing what he mistook for orgasms, yelled again in rage. “I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!” Yurio screamed, beating his fists on the wall. Yuuri, in a full panic, was at a loss for what to do. Viktor knocked him off the bed, stumbling to the door. Desperate to make it to the bathroom to rinse off, Viktor yanked the door wide open before sprinting naked down the hall. Makkachin, excited about all the commotion, starting barking and ran towards the hallway. “Wait!!!” Yuuri yelled attempting to chase after Viktor. Unfortunately, he was too late.

  
Yuuri was greeted by laughter. Yurio, bags in hand, was doubled over. The sight of Yuuri standing in the hallway wearing only boxer briefs with rhinestones on his nipples was too much. Yurio took a pic of Yuuri before running off to Yuuko who had arrived a moment ago. Yuuko stood in the doorway frozen in terror. There was a long awkward silence between them. Yuuri’s face had shame written all over it. Yuuko didn’t know what to make of the situation and was afraid to ask. “I-I need to go….help Viktor,” Yuuri stammered before giving into his cowardice and running off to the bathroom. “I think they’re done for the night,” said Yurio between laughs to Yuuko. “I’m sorry you came all this way for nothing.” “It’s alright…..” Yuuko trailed off, still in shock. “Feel free to call me when you need a place to get away from….that,” she said wide-eyed, pointing in the direction where Yuuri once stood.

  
Yuuri barged into the bathroom with tears in his eyes and slammed the door behind him. “Viktor I’m so sorry!” He wailed. Viktor was sitting on the toilet lid with a cold towel resting on his injured member. “What was that tonight?” questioned Viktor. His eyes were still watering from the pain he endured. “I just wanted to impress you,” admitted Yuuri. “You have tons of experience...and I wanted to make sure you knew I wanted you. I didn’t want our first time to be considered boring,” sobbed Yuuri. “I read sex tips from a stupid magazine, I asked for advice, I planned our romantic evening, and it still turned out like this!” Viktor motioned for Yuuri to come over. He slowly stood up and hugged Yuuri close. “Yuuri, I'm never bored when I’m with you. You don’t have to be experienced. I love you just the way you are.” He wiped Yuuri’s tears away before kissing him on the lips. “I’m sorry if you thought I was losing interest. It just seemed as though you needed space. And I didn’t want to push you into something you’re not ready to do.” Viktor hugged Yuuri tightly and kissed him once more. “Let’s finish off our movie night. What do you say?” asked Viktor grabbing a large towel to wrap around himself. “But we’ll have to wait on trying anything else….since...you know,” added Viktor motioning to his injured penis. Yuuri picked the rhinestones off his nipples and wrapped a towel around himself as well. “Sounds like a plan,” said Yuuri taking Viktor’s hand as they walked back to Yuuri’s room. It had been a strange night, but somehow it brought Viktor and Yuuri closer than ever before.

  
The next morning, Yuuri woke up to 75,000 notifications on his Instagram account. When he logged in, he saw that Yurio had posted an embarrassing picture of him standing half naked in the hallway with bedazzled nipples. Makkachin stood happily in the background of the picture, wanting to know what had happened. Then he saw who was tagged: Viktor, Phichit, Kenjiro, Leo, and Christophe. Instead of being Katsudon, Yuuri’s new nickname became Glitter Nips for the next 4 months. A notification popped up on his phone and he switched over to his texts.

PhiBitch: Yuuri, do you wanna talk? I almost feel bad for laughing. How the fuck did you screw up that badly?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot of fun writing. I really feel like I can relate to Yuuri since I was also a blushing mega virgin by age 20. It's awkward learning about love and sex. But for the love of God: Don't take Cosmopolitan's advice. It just makes you look like a mega idiot in front of the men and women you're crushing on. Then you're stuck explaining how you took advice from a magazine, in hopes that they'll understand why your actions were so out of character/awkward. 
> 
> Be yourself. They like that a lot more.


End file.
